With those close to us, it’s true that we tend to develop a kind of communication shorthand that works most of the time. And it’s natural, and usually accurate, to assume that those who are closest to us understand the meaning behind our words, tone, and attitude.
Most of us could write a pretty accurate script of the family chatter. And, families often have a shared, but hidden, understanding that everyone will go along with the “script.” And, usually, that’s exactly what happens.
Then, some change (or transition) takes place. A child goes off to school. Marriage, birth, divorce, death – something alters the make-up of the family. And maybe those old ways of communicating just don’t work anymore.
Transitions, even positive ones, have the power to turn your life upside down. All these changes require changes in you. Are you prepared to have lots of different conversations? Understand and explain those new feelings? Cope with old resentments and feelings that may arise when your world changes? Learn a new way of being with those same old people – and the new ones?
When times are ok, when stress is not as high, anger can often be masked or expressed without major family disruption. When stress is greater, when the challenges are larger and more frequent, communication in your once-loving family can often seem a lot less loving and a lot more combative!
Sometimes, it can help to just tell yourself that times are tough right now – and that you have the power to reduce the conflict – often just by stepping back and taking a deep breath! And – read through my previous blog posts for some communication tips that might be helpful to you.