CHANGING THE STORY YOU TELL YOURSELF: A different way to survive those family holiday stresses.

So – you’re an adult now. In your 20s, 30s, 40s or older. It doesn’t matter. As soon as you get together with your family, you might end up feeling like that little kid or teen you once were. Families just tend to have that effect on most of us!

And – even if your youthful family experiences weren’t that bad – maybe even pretty good, the holidays are likely to be part wonderful and part “when is it time to get out of here?”

For instance, you’ve worked hard to be independent. You’re fairly successful at that – most of the time. Then your mother says something like, “You look a little tired. Are you taking care of yourself?”

And maybe the story you usually tell yourself is that your family always sees you as not quite competent, incapable of even figuring out how to get enough sleep. If that’s your story, the warm fuzzies of the day are now gone. And you can add to that story a little bit with: “See. I was right! They think I’m not quite ok!”

Would you consider changing that story you tell yourself?  Finding a different story as your gift to self for the holidays? Would you try this out, even if it sounds a little silly?

Here’s a possible alternate story: “My family doesn’t mean to offend me. They really don’t know what I’m like when I’m not with  them. They still see me as a kid and they’re trying to show they still care – in the only way they know how.”

It’s possible neither your original story nor this latest one are accurate. Maybe there’s really a third story. But, since right now, you can’t really know for sure, why not tell yourself the story that feels the best? If this one doesn’t seem right, create any story that takes you out of that old kid place. Prepare yourself with your new story before you see your family.

You can’t control your family, but you can control your response. When you get triggered by those familiar comments, take a deep breath, repeat your new story to yourself, and decide that this time you’ll act as though your new story is the true one.

One alternate response (said with a smile) might be, “Thanks for caring. I’m fine.” Or, “Had to leave early today, so didn’t get much sleep. How are you?” Or, whatever works for you. The goal is to avoid your usual annoyance or anger. You don’t have to follow that same old script. You have the power to do at least one thing differently and see if even a small change can happen.