IT’S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU (OR ME!): Avoid the trap of assuming insult when there really is none intended!

Have you ever noticed that some folks just seem to breeze through those challenging moments that would make you just want to explode? Have you ever wondered how they manage to do that?

I suspect that these “Teflon people,” who let so many things just slide off, have really just learned to view their world through a different lens.
When I’ve asked colleagues or clients how they’ve managed to avoid conflict, avoid getting angry at a particularly irritating or insulting behavior, one or two responses stand out as most often stated.

The most frequent is some version of “pick your battles.”
In other words, these people have decided that some things just aren’t worth arguing or getting upset about. So they’ve figured out responses that are non-combative and serve to calm or avoid a potentially difficult situation.

The second explanation I hear is a form of “I know it’s not about me.”
We all know people who just “lose it” sometimes – when life is too stressful, when feelings are overwhelming, when whatever just happened feels like the last straw, and those feelings end up heaped on you – way out of proportion to the situation at hand.

What both of those explanations have in common is that the low-responder has decided not to get sucked into or trapped by another person’s upset and anger.
And, they’ve also been confident enough to understand that personal self-worth isn’t defined by self-defense, when none is really needed!